17 OF THE WORST FILMS OF 2017
Most people can agree that 2017 was overall a dumpster fire, and several movies that came out this year were right on par with the rest of the year. While there were many I avoided, here are some of the films I saw, which hopefully saved you from doing so.
I get that making a film is incredibly tough, and many people work hard on making a feature film. However many of the worst of this year are from people who should know better. On a lighter side – for the best of the year check out this list: goo.gl/SRHWe7
Jan 13 – Live By Night – The duo of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon must be stopped. This bloated film that Warner Brothers somehow allowed Ben Affleck to make (most likely in order to keep him continuing to appear as Batman – which pretty much no one asked for) is another in the long line of “one for them, one for Ben” films that only a now mediocre white male actor/director could get away with making. The era of Mattlfeck has come and gone.
Feb 10 – Fifty Shades Darker – This is one of the first times I legitimately wanted to walk out of a theater. The main characters seemed to have as much chemistry as two wet paper bags being mushed together, but for some reason people are really into these films, and we’ll be cursed with a final one in 2018.
Feb 17 – The Great Wall – The first appearance from my top offender this year, Matt Damon. This film was an unfortunate waste of a very talented Chinese director’s skills. I look forward to the day when an Asian blockbuster can see commercial success in the US without having to shoehorn in a white star.
Feb 10 – Fifty Shades Darker – This is one of the first times I legitimately wanted to walk out of a theater. The main characters seemed to have as much chemistry as two wet paper bags being mushed together, but for some reason people are really into these films, and we’ll be cursed with a final one in 2018.
Feb 17 – The Great Wall – The first appearance from my top offender this year, Matt Damon. This film was an unfortunate waste of a very talented Chinese director’s skills. I look forward to the day when an Asian blockbuster can see commercial success in the US without having to shoehorn in a white star.
Mar 24 – CHiPs – I love crude humor, when it’s done right. However CHiPs was full of way too many homophobic and quite frankly not even funny jokes to tolerate. The movie wasn’t funny, the action was mediocre, and it was another remake no one was asking for. Hopefully the trend abates in 2018.
Mar 31 – Ghost in the Shell – Whitewashing. I shouldn’t have to say more than that. However it also was a flat out bad movie. For a more comprehensive look at my thoughts check out this article: goo.gl/bPOYn8.
May 12 – King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – Is there no more original material in Hollywood? That actually could be applied to many of the films this year but I’ve chosen King Arthur: Legend of the Sword to stand in for many. It had a director who hasn’t had a hit in years and seems incapable of evolving style wise. A star who while capable of displaying his acting chops in other works – did not have the clout to carry this film. A twist on a classic tale that it THOUGHT was brilliant, but it was the only one who thought so. Also, boring, it was boring. My mother literally described it as “stupid, stupid, stupid.”
Mar 31 – Ghost in the Shell – Whitewashing. I shouldn’t have to say more than that. However it also was a flat out bad movie. For a more comprehensive look at my thoughts check out this article: goo.gl/bPOYn8.
May 12 – King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – Is there no more original material in Hollywood? That actually could be applied to many of the films this year but I’ve chosen King Arthur: Legend of the Sword to stand in for many. It had a director who hasn’t had a hit in years and seems incapable of evolving style wise. A star who while capable of displaying his acting chops in other works – did not have the clout to carry this film. A twist on a classic tale that it THOUGHT was brilliant, but it was the only one who thought so. Also, boring, it was boring. My mother literally described it as “stupid, stupid, stupid.”
Apr 28 – The Circle – This was one of my favorite books in recent years, but by the time it came out in theaters (it spent several years in distribution hell) it was way outdated. More here: goo.gl/W5PIoC
May 26 – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – Starring a very close runner up on the “please just stop making movies” meter – Disney somehow continues to siphon life out of this passe franchise and it’s star, Johnny Depp. Yes it makes a kajillion dollars overseas (that’s not even a good pirate pun, this film is now just for the foreign market) but is that really a reason to subject us to Johnny Depp playing a caricature of a character that was already pretty over the top to start. Bringing back Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightley oh so briefly, did nothing to hit the nostalgia bone.
June 9 – The Mummy – Tom Cruise basically is only capable of playing tiny variations of himself at this point, and The Mummy was no exception. What was meant to start off a Dark Universe for Universal was instead an unmitigated flop. Hopefully this is the last we see of these characters.
May 26 – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – Starring a very close runner up on the “please just stop making movies” meter – Disney somehow continues to siphon life out of this passe franchise and it’s star, Johnny Depp. Yes it makes a kajillion dollars overseas (that’s not even a good pirate pun, this film is now just for the foreign market) but is that really a reason to subject us to Johnny Depp playing a caricature of a character that was already pretty over the top to start. Bringing back Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightley oh so briefly, did nothing to hit the nostalgia bone.
June 9 – The Mummy – Tom Cruise basically is only capable of playing tiny variations of himself at this point, and The Mummy was no exception. What was meant to start off a Dark Universe for Universal was instead an unmitigated flop. Hopefully this is the last we see of these characters.
July 28 – The Emoji Movie – Do you want to watch a 90 minute commercial for Candy Crush? Then this is your film. Otherwise save yourself the time and energy.
Aug 4 – The Dark Tower – Another attempt at starting a franchise, this time based on the Stephen King novels. This movie was a hot mess. It had mega star power, and no logical plot. Fans of the book, as well as anyone with eyeballs who saw it, were massively disappointed.
Sept 8 – Home Again – I like to call this film “rich white lady problems.” In spite of having a top rom-com pedigree, Hallie Meyers-Shyer proves that she doesn’t quite have the chops her mother Nancy Meyers, or father, Charles Shyer. Points for trying, but those were big shoes to fill and she failed.
Aug 4 – The Dark Tower – Another attempt at starting a franchise, this time based on the Stephen King novels. This movie was a hot mess. It had mega star power, and no logical plot. Fans of the book, as well as anyone with eyeballs who saw it, were massively disappointed.
Sept 8 – Home Again – I like to call this film “rich white lady problems.” In spite of having a top rom-com pedigree, Hallie Meyers-Shyer proves that she doesn’t quite have the chops her mother Nancy Meyers, or father, Charles Shyer. Points for trying, but those were big shoes to fill and she failed.
Oct 20 – The Snowman – Another book turned movie turned disaster. The Jo Nesbo novel focusing on detective Harry Hole (yes I giggle at that every time) was another attempt at a franchise. The motivation of the killer felt beyond a stretch. The only good thing to come out of the film was what the internet did with meme-ifying the poster.
Oct 27 – Suburbicon – Strike 2 of 3 for Matt Damon. Yes, I understand that the point was he was playing an unlikable character, but the film itself was a failed commentary on race relations. Just because filmmakers like Clooney and the Coen Brothers have had hits in the past doesn’t mean no one should question their creative decisions. More here: goo.gl/1ibDfx
Nov 17 – Justice League – Any movie that uses webdings in the poster is already off to a bad start. This movie would have been a million times better if it hadn’t had Batman and Superman in it: goo.gl/1ibDfx, and here’s almost everything I found wrong with the film goo.gl/AjWwKc
Oct 27 – Suburbicon – Strike 2 of 3 for Matt Damon. Yes, I understand that the point was he was playing an unlikable character, but the film itself was a failed commentary on race relations. Just because filmmakers like Clooney and the Coen Brothers have had hits in the past doesn’t mean no one should question their creative decisions. More here: goo.gl/1ibDfx
Nov 17 – Justice League – Any movie that uses webdings in the poster is already off to a bad start. This movie would have been a million times better if it hadn’t had Batman and Superman in it: goo.gl/1ibDfx, and here’s almost everything I found wrong with the film goo.gl/AjWwKc
Nov 29 – Daddy’s Home 2 – This could have stayed off the list if it hadn’t done 2 things. 1) Cast Mel Gibson 2) positively reinforce sexual harassment tendencies by trying to tell the little kid in the film to ignore consent. Yes it sounds like it’s reading too much into what should be a mindless holiday film, but by ignoring instances like this we contribute to the problem.
Dec 22 – Downsizing – This was the last straw for me in Matt Damon land. In some fairness he’s not the only thing wrong with this film. It was a great concept with uneven pacing, and execution ranging from mediocre to terrible. Hopefully the number of flops this year from “veteran” folks will encourage the studios to gamble on lesser known directors and writers (see my best of list, many of which – even the blockbusters – were directed by “risky” unknowns goo.gl/SRHWe7). Either way this movie makes the list because it had potential and utterly squandered it.
Dec 22 – Downsizing – This was the last straw for me in Matt Damon land. In some fairness he’s not the only thing wrong with this film. It was a great concept with uneven pacing, and execution ranging from mediocre to terrible. Hopefully the number of flops this year from “veteran” folks will encourage the studios to gamble on lesser known directors and writers (see my best of list, many of which – even the blockbusters – were directed by “risky” unknowns goo.gl/SRHWe7). Either way this movie makes the list because it had potential and utterly squandered it.
Matt Damon’s best onscreen performance in years in Team America: World Police – Paramount Pictures