CATFIGHTS AND CATERWAULING – THE BACHELOR
Demi Burnett returns to help perpetuate male fantasy stereotypes on The Bachelor (ABC/John Fleenor)
We’ve hit the beginning of the middling point in the season where the fights get repetitive and the relationships progress at a glacial pace. Let’s take a look at the few and far between highlights of episode 3 of this season of “The Bachelor.” Spoilers ahead.
We were forced to continue to witness the fall out of champagne-gate. It was boring.
I’d Rather Listen to Cats Dying – or Our First Band of the Season
We were also subject to our first random band placement of the season. Where ABC finds these no-name bands never ceases to amaze me. The only thing that I find more shocking is the contestants ability to keep a straight face and profess how excited they are to see “Derek and the Hoe-Downs” or “Tanya Whatshername.”
The ONLY good thing that could possibly come of this is in the preview for next week they show living cartoon, Victoria F, freak TF out over having dated the lead singer in one of these disposable bands.
The ONLY good thing that could possibly come of this is in the preview for next week they show living cartoon, Victoria F, freak TF out over having dated the lead singer in one of these disposable bands.
Most Stereotypical Male Fantasy Moment
Following the performance I of course fast forwarded through we were met with every straight man’s fantasy (according to patriarchally dominated pop culture): a pillow fight.
But with a Twist
The twist? It was organized by the franchise’s one notable member of the LGBTQ community. Side note: not that I want her current engagement to break up, but Demi would make a great first non-hetero Bachelorette. They could even throw some male contestants on the show if they were truly worried about how middle America would react. She’s funny and wholesome enough looking to be non threatening to conservative sensibilities. Just throwing it out there!
Edit: was immediately informed by Bachelor Nation that she is no longer with her Bachelor in Paradise Fianc
é…. soooooo just saying this is an even more real possibility now.
GIVE US A GAY (or at least bi or pan) BACHELORETTE! Demi Burnett as a possible candidate. (ABC/John Fleenor)
Does Fred Willard Know Where He Is?
One thing I truly don’t understand is how Fred Willard continues to pop up on this show. He keeps being brought in to judge inane contest after inane contest. It seems like Chris Harrison truly hates him. Harrison is not a good enough actor to hide his distaste for Willard. Willard himself seems somewhat unsure of what he’s doing there, or what he’s even promoting.
It seems like a possible case of elder abuse. Someone call AARP, Life Alert, or whatever the governing body for senior citizens is.
Chris Harrison concentrating on calculating how much money he makes per minute to put up with Fred Willard. Willard has no clue where he is. (ABC/John Fleenor)
Cat Fights
I’m told this is Sydney.
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A lot of nonsense happens and then we get the one great dramatic moment on the show. Sydney – who up until this point I could not have pointed out if my life depended on it, and still can’t without looking her up – uses some of her precious date time with Peter to warn him that she thinks Alayah is fake.
OF COURSE ALAYAH IS FAKE. YOU ALL ARE! |
Most Cringeworthy Moment of the Episode
Instead of investigating privately like a sane human, Peter decides to ask ALL of the women during the group date to corroborate Sydney’s story.
They. Hang. Her. Out. To. Dry.
It was magnificent. To her credit she sticks to her story and quasi-diplomatically explains herself again.
But wait there’s more. The next day allllllllllll of the women decide to get on the “call Alayah out” train. Meanwhile bless the editors for intercutting that brilliant footage of Alayah “defending her real self.”
Clearly women supporting women is not a theme this season.
They. Hang. Her. Out. To. Dry.
It was magnificent. To her credit she sticks to her story and quasi-diplomatically explains herself again.
But wait there’s more. The next day allllllllllll of the women decide to get on the “call Alayah out” train. Meanwhile bless the editors for intercutting that brilliant footage of Alayah “defending her real self.”
Clearly women supporting women is not a theme this season.
Alayah, also real and genuine. (ABC/John Fleenor)
The Overall Summary
Nothing happened this episode. We now enter the mid-season slump. Let’s see what producers concoct to try to keep us interested.