HOMEWARD BOUND – THE BACHELOR
Nothing says conservative/family values like this lady, eh? (ABC/Eric McCandless)
We finally head to hometowns where everything was more or less predetermined, but at least we got some juicy drama at the end. Spoilers ahead.
Nothing Says Conservatively Religious Like Making Out in Public
Look Hannah Ann, we’ve already had one religious leaning Hannah in recent memory, could you have not tried to fill any other sort of niche?
My favorite part of Hannah Ann’s hometown visit was watching her father try to smile. He looked like an absolute hostage, or maybe a robot who had been programmed to say certain stereotypical overprotective fatherly things.
My favorite part of Hannah Ann’s hometown visit was watching her father try to smile. He looked like an absolute hostage, or maybe a robot who had been programmed to say certain stereotypical overprotective fatherly things.
Stepford Wives
I don’t have much to say about Kelsey’s hometown visit except for her entire family looks like Stepford wife clones designed by the AN themselves.
Peter does show his emotional whore colors once again with professions of adoration.
Peter does show his emotional whore colors once again with professions of adoration.
Arrested Development
Of COURSE Madison (again who I guess we’re calling Maddie?) took Peter to a college. She’s 23 and has no further life experience to draw on.
We’re once again treated to an overprotective father, and an entire family trying to skirt around having to say the word “virgin.”
The one important thing to note is they did dwell on that Peter told Madison he was falling in love with her first, but that she did not outright reciprocate.
The show proves what a bubble it lives in in that it makes a big deal about her questioning where they’re at after a whole MONTH OR TWO OF KNOWING EACH OTHER. This is a rare moment of sanity painted to look like insecurity.
For Madison’s own sake I hope she doesn’t go much further as we know from the countless windmill jokes that Peter is no shrinking violet in the boudoir.
We’re once again treated to an overprotective father, and an entire family trying to skirt around having to say the word “virgin.”
The one important thing to note is they did dwell on that Peter told Madison he was falling in love with her first, but that she did not outright reciprocate.
The show proves what a bubble it lives in in that it makes a big deal about her questioning where they’re at after a whole MONTH OR TWO OF KNOWING EACH OTHER. This is a rare moment of sanity painted to look like insecurity.
For Madison’s own sake I hope she doesn’t go much further as we know from the countless windmill jokes that Peter is no shrinking violet in the boudoir.
Meet Virginia (Beach)
Really one could have fast forwarded through every other hometown to get to this one. The one that really mattered.
We were once again treated to a random country concert, someone called “Hunter Hayes.” I almost felt bad in that I assumed it was going to be another “she dated him” setup.
Instead we were treated to Peter and Victoria F (now just the only Victoria but I’ve decided she doesn’t deserve that honor) dancing around awkwardly mouthing the few lyrics they knew, surrounded by throngs and throngs of women – and ONLY women except for one security guard visible – taking photos of them.
Romance is real, amirite?
Now for the juicy bit. Enter: Marissa.
The first few thoughts that ran through my mind as they slowly revealed more info from this blurry figure were:
Who is she? Did they date? I am here for whatever is happening.
How did the producers coordinate with her to get her past security and to give this info, but not to sign a video release form?
Ok so they dated, yes.
So much of this scene felt like a plant, as who remembers something as specific as buying a jacket from someone they supposedly dated x number of years ago. Either that or Peter truly does have an excellent memory.
Armed with the vaguest of vague information from the shadowy Marissa, Peter heads to Victoria F’s.
The confrontation on the porch looked and sounded like a scene directly out of “All My Children” (a long running Soap Opera on ABC for those not in the know).
Victoria F shows her continued emotional maturity and willingness to get married by doing what she always does when confronted by anything uncomfortable: throwing a fit and running away. Her strategy of attacking Peter weirdly ends up working for her as he is left constantly chasing her.
Her tactics are Mean Girl 101. She reminded me of a teenager caught being mean to another one in school, and trying to get out of punishment by an authority figure by turning the attack relentlessly on the administrator.
THIS is the type of episode we are here to watch, not the fairytale nonsense the show tries to shove down our throats the rest of the season.
I haven’t watched enough of the show historically to know whether or not this is the first time a contestant has made it to hometowns and not had the visit occur.
We were once again treated to a random country concert, someone called “Hunter Hayes.” I almost felt bad in that I assumed it was going to be another “she dated him” setup.
Instead we were treated to Peter and Victoria F (now just the only Victoria but I’ve decided she doesn’t deserve that honor) dancing around awkwardly mouthing the few lyrics they knew, surrounded by throngs and throngs of women – and ONLY women except for one security guard visible – taking photos of them.
Romance is real, amirite?
Now for the juicy bit. Enter: Marissa.
The first few thoughts that ran through my mind as they slowly revealed more info from this blurry figure were:
Who is she? Did they date? I am here for whatever is happening.
How did the producers coordinate with her to get her past security and to give this info, but not to sign a video release form?
Ok so they dated, yes.
So much of this scene felt like a plant, as who remembers something as specific as buying a jacket from someone they supposedly dated x number of years ago. Either that or Peter truly does have an excellent memory.
Armed with the vaguest of vague information from the shadowy Marissa, Peter heads to Victoria F’s.
The confrontation on the porch looked and sounded like a scene directly out of “All My Children” (a long running Soap Opera on ABC for those not in the know).
Victoria F shows her continued emotional maturity and willingness to get married by doing what she always does when confronted by anything uncomfortable: throwing a fit and running away. Her strategy of attacking Peter weirdly ends up working for her as he is left constantly chasing her.
Her tactics are Mean Girl 101. She reminded me of a teenager caught being mean to another one in school, and trying to get out of punishment by an authority figure by turning the attack relentlessly on the administrator.
THIS is the type of episode we are here to watch, not the fairytale nonsense the show tries to shove down our throats the rest of the season.
I haven’t watched enough of the show historically to know whether or not this is the first time a contestant has made it to hometowns and not had the visit occur.
Oh Maddie, no. (ABC/John Fleenor)
The Final Showdown
The fact that Victoria F was even AT the rose ceremony should have been a dead giveaway that Peter (slash the producers) was going to have her continue forward. Having both her and Kelley dress in green was an extra nice touch.
Next week brings the dreaded but amazing fantasy suites. Clearly Madison’s virginity is going to be a huge point of contention. At this point I see it being between Hannah Ann and Madison. The sexuality part might be prohibitive of Madison going all the way to the end (get it?).
For her own sake if she truly does want to save herself for someone special I hope she doesn’t continue the charade.
I also still firmly believe there’s an opportunity for Hannah Brown to swoop in.
Let’s brace ourselves for whatever the equivalent of the windmill is going to be this season.