Television The Bachelor / The Bachelorette

WE ARE FAMILY – THE BACHELOR

March 11, 2020 thedhk

We deserved better. (ABC/Kelsey McNeal)

A messy and boring season of “The Bachelor” concludes with a messy and disappointing finale! Are they out of creative storylines/endings? Let’s also dive in to some of Peter’s mommy issues. Spoilers ahead.

This episode did not have to be 4 hours long. Curse ABC for convincing so many of us to tune in to this circus. The only “real” feeling parts of the show were Peter’s fights with his family.

Boundaries Much?

Wow maybe I just come from a more repressed family but Peter is WAY too open with his family about sex. That talk he had with his family about being intimate with people made my skin crawl.

I also don’t understand how Peter’s mother gets so emotional so quickly over the slightest thing. Look I’ve done the flight to Australia too, it makes you a bit loopy, but not THAT loopy.

Her constant bursting into tears explains why throughout the season Peter has been so dependent on this indicator from the women as showing they care about him. I’m sure Freud and other psychologists would have a field day over this relationship.

Your Petulance is Showing

The meetings of the families and the women were boring, I’m not sure how or why (even with her explanation in part 2 of the ridiculously long episode) that Barb decided that Hannah Ann is “an angel on earth” but you could see the second she chose a horse in the race that Peter started to turn.

The most real moments we had in this entire season came in the first half of the marathon watch session, and they were Peter fighting with his family. When his brother rightfully and in a non accusing way tried to point out that Peter and Madison had “different lifestyles” I could feel the setup for him blaming his brother if things went south later.

The teenage rebellion started to show when his mother tried to give (questionably) sage counsel on picking the girl who actually claimed to be in love with him.

Esc-ap-ayh

Madison was either trying to maintain some dignity or just really wanted to go. I give her credit for trying to control the narrative of her exit.

Another thing we learned this season is Peter really doesn’t seem to understand rejection. This episode was the most mature Madison has seemed, and yet it just did not compute for him.

Also, her eyelashes look like spiders and it freaks me out.

You tell him Hannah Ann! (ABC/John Fleenor)

Things Fall Apart

The show has been teasing for too long the meltdown on the playa. It was so beyond underwhelming.

The proposal itself was also about the most underwhelming thing I’ve seen in a long time. Hannah Ann and Peter have no actual chemistry. There’s also nothing less romantic than being told “the other person bowed out but I’m proposing to you, yay!”

And we wonder why romance is dead.

All of This has Happened Before

It took them two hours and 37 minutes (including commercials) to get to the real meat of all of this. The un-proposal.

This would be shocking… If we hadn’t already seen almost this exact scenario play out on Arie’s season of “The Bachelor.” Right down to Hannah Ann trying to escape to the comfort of the bathroom like Becca did.

Are we so out of storylines that we need to keep repeating this weird template, or can we all just acknowledge the structure of the show just isn’t working anymore?

No Holds Barred

From her in your face “Leave, Bye” to her confrontation on stage, Hannah Ann finally came into her own. She managed to drop some of the nice girl act and (almost) leave with her dignity in place.

I almost liked her this episode.

She did bring up some pretty decent points that he took her first engagement from her (though better than the alternative if it had been Madison and he’d taken her … virginity?). She also brought up the delightful shade of Peter needing “closure” on Hannah Brown (even after the season had filmed. Boy does he have attachment issues.

Barb looks overjoyed to be there. (ABC/John Fleenor)

Family Feud

The utterly contrived device of having Chris Harrison go to Madison’s hometown “behind Peter’s back” and bring the two of them together was absurd.

This act of Chris Harrison/the producers inserting themselves into the narrative by having Harrison tell bobo Anna Kendrick “(Peter) thinks in his heart he wants to be with her” is a sign of desperation.

When she did finally arrive onstage the best part of the episode truly began.
When Barb threw Madison under the weight of the Bachelor Nation bus by outing that she was very late to meeting Peter’s family, and that she said she wouldn’t accept a proposal the next day, a gauntlet was thrown.

Madison could have taken the moment to apologize to Peter’s family but instead she dug in. This seems like a mature and eventually successful tactic to take on someone who has shown over and over again that he values his family’s opinion. OH WAIT no it’s not because she’s a child.

The best part was when she said “I won’t say anything negative about his family“ but also chose to not apologize in that moment. Instead she dug in on “promising to be herself on the show no matter what.” You can be yourself and also say “I’ve had time to reflect, I was emotional that day, I’m sorry for my behavior”…

At the end of the day he’s going to pick them, but I guess more power to them all for trying to drag out their Bachelor fame as long as they can.

These two are morons. (ABC/John Fleenor)

In Conclusion

Peter’s season was one of the most boring I’ve seen in a while (I’ll admit I came to Bachelor Nation pretty late so missed many a season).

He was immature, indecisive, lacked chemistry, most of the season’s drama involved particularly petty fights with the women that probably set feminism back a good 10 extra years. All in all, skippable.

Who knows what Clare’s season of “The Bachelorette” has in store but pretty much anything has to be better than this.