YES – JUSTICE LEAGUE REALLY SUCKED – SPOILERS
Yes, we need to admit it, Justice League really did suck. In part because it had plenty of ingredients that could have made it a good film, but had no idea how to use them and got in it’s own way. We deserve better. Spoilers – obviously.
From the get go it sets a questionable tone, with some cheesy “shot on cell phone by adorable children” bit to remind us that Superman is a saint but also ya know, dead. The film then dives into Batman (played unfortunately once again by Ben Affleck) chasing after some mutant bug looking creatures who appear to be alien and can smell fear.
I suppose with the revelation that Superman is an alien the citizens of the world our heroes inhabit shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that there are other at least quasi intelligent life forms out there. However the appearance of a bunch of nasty looking bug dudes seems like it should draw more at least a raised eyebrow. Apparently ol’ Bats is unphased by that.
Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman – Warner Bros.
Thankfully Wonder Woman gets a scene soon after, showcasing her visually dynamic fighting style. That is one of the few things that translate acceptably between the Patty Jenkins model of Wonder Woman to the Snyder/Whedon iteration. Unfortunately somewhere along the way someone robbed Wonder Woman of half of her skirt, as her hemline seems to have evaporated between World War II and present day.
Of course we also have to introduce our big bad of the film, Stepphenwolf. Get ready for a considerable amount of ridiculous sounding motivations, even for a comic book film. Steppehwolf is after the three Mother Boxes (energy sources to laypeople) that are being protected by the Amazons, Atlanteans, and humans. He wants to unite them to create The Unity (not to be confused with the DC character, Unity).
The more motion blur and effects on Stepphenwolf the better… – Warner Bros.
For some reason the filmmakers decided to have Stepphenwolf be an all CG being, which does not read very well, particularly when he’s doing his cliche bad guy soliloquies. He felt about as lame as generic as a villain can get. This was particularly frustrating as generally speaking I’ve argued that DC does a better job with their villains than Marvel. However Stepphenwolf felt like a step back.
Amazons fighting the Parademons – Warner Bros.
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I will say the only exciting thing about his introduction is during the flashback showing the Amazons, Atlanteans, humans, and “others” banding together to fight him, we see a super brief shot of some green light being tossed about on the battlefield. Meaning that even after the other disaster that was Green Lantern, DC hasn’t given up on bringing the Lantern Corps back to the big screen but is still too afraid to openly introduce them in this film.
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Stepphenwolf appears literally out of nowhere in a beam of convenient storytelling light, and robs the Amazons of the Mother Box in their charge. (The more I have to say mother box the more absurd the name becomes.) Another unfortunate robbery occurs at the same time, as much like Wonder Woman appears to have been robbed of half her skirt, the remainder of the Amazons seem to have been robbed of the mid sections of their armor. Leaving some admittedly incredibly impressive 6-pack abs very exposed and utterly defeating the purpose of armor. Another casualty of feminism to the Snyder/Whedon machine.
Pulitzer, Schmulitzer, who needs a career when you can be the almost widow of Superman? Not Amy Adams as Lois Lane… – Warner Bros.
After Steppenwolf acquires his first prize we take an abrupt jump to visit in with two of the only other women with speaking roles in the entire film. It probably comes as no surprise that this film utterly fails the Bechdel test. Amy Adams’ Lois Lane is reduced to a shell of her tenacious Pulitzer winning self. Instead she assumes the mantle of grieving almost widow, and is joined by Diane Lane as mama Kent. Their presence in the film is about as hit you over the head foreshadowing as oh say, seeing Henry Cavill’s name as top billing in the opening credits. More on that later.
The film spends the next chunk “getting the team together” with hastily cobbled together introductions to Aquaman, The Flash, and Cyborg. Thankfully these three bring fresh blood into the film. Jason Momoa as Aquaman is a bit surfer dude/along for the ride. His brief intro hints at a much larger backstory which will be explored in the upcoming solo Aquaman film.
Ezra Miller as Barry Allen aka The Flash was my favorite addition to the film (truth be told I thought it was going to be Momoa).
On the dark brooding side there’s Ray Fisher as Cyborg. Turns out he should have been killed in an accident but his scientist father revived him with – you guessed it! A Mother Box! He spends a good portion of the film moping about his newfound powers. Fisher does the best he can to emote, but his performance often feels hindered by his one CG red eye and poorly animated metallic body. He’s also burdened with the most expository dialogue. Having to explain the absurdity of tracking these boxes and their powers.
Ray Fisher as Cyborg discovering his powers, including clearing search history? – Warner Bros.
As the team faces their first threat, Batman declares there’s something missing… and as indicated by his name literally appearing in the credits, that missing factor is the Man of Steel himself. In that moment, Batman might as well have been a DC film exec and there saying “we need to merch out Superman.” The team decides to revive Superman using the Mother Box. However they fear that in doing so he won’t be his same old self.
No shit Sherlocks. I don’t what planet you’re from, dying is going to mess with your head. Yet they decide to proceed with the plan anyway. This decision making caucus scene was one of my least favorite in the whole film. The filmmakers had been peppering the film up to this point with grossly misguided scenes hinting (by hinting I mean hitting the audience over the head) at a Batcrush on Wonder Woman, but in the process of discussing whether or not to revive Kal-El, Batman decides to bring up poor ol’ Steve Trevor. The result is an Amazon goddess level slap, which is what I wanted to give the directors every time one of these scenes came up. Ben Affleck has about as much charm as a wet paper bag in this role, he’s clearly so beyond checked out. It’s bad enough that Lois Lane is stripped of any sense of identity beyond being the beau of Superman, but do we have to reduce Wonder Woman to simply being hung up on a dude?
The line that best sums up my feelings on the film is also delivered in the scene by The Flash. “You know if she kills you we’ll cover for her.” Batman (and soon, Superman) do nothing but bog this film down. Tonally the other four seem to be on the same page, or at least trying to be. However shoehorning Batman into the plot just because he’s Batman does no one any favors.
Ezra Miller as The Flash – Warner Bros.
After a genuinely amusing grave robbing scene with The Flash and Cyborg the team revives Superman in an over the top goo baptism. The result of bringing him back from the dead is just as they expected, something ain’t right. Superman bursts from his alien ship and lands at a memorial to devastation. I suppose it’s fair to say that he too was robbed of his wardrobe (someone please explain to me how in his rage flight off he managed to lose his shirt but not his pants?). The league then has to fight the husk of the Man of Steel who attacks them, thus showcasing how no matter what he’s pretty much going to have them all beat. Where’s the fun in that?
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Also, what the hell happened to Henry Cavill’s face? Apparently the studio had to CG out Cavill’s porn-stache because filming overlapped with Cavill’s role in Mission: Impossible 6. Would it not have been smarter of Warner Brother’s to pay Paramount a fraction of the supposed $25 million it cost to comp out his lip rug to buy him some prosthetic facial hair for MI:6?
Another excellent summary point of how I felt about the film was the actual Batman v Superman showdown (which was honestly still probably better than the entirety of Dawn of Justice) where Batman tells Superman “The world needs you” and Superman’s reply is “But it doesn’t need you.” Even for a dude who’s just risen from the dead, Superman is woke to the problems of the film. Using Batman as the catalyst becomes more problematic as the film winds on.
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So how do you tame a vengeful all-powerful being who’s pissed you awoke him from what should have been a peaceful eternal slumber? Love of course! It takes all of 2 seconds of Lois Lane showing up to snap Superman out of his stupor.
The film then steals the last act of X-Men: Age of Apocalypse where the giant bug dudes (who finally get an almost worse name, being dubbed parademons) and Stepphenwolf have been hiding out in a random Eastern European city that just so happens to be off the map. Turning it into a CG spectacle city of ruination.
The film then steals the last act of X-Men: Age of Apocalypse where the giant bug dudes (who finally get an almost worse name, being dubbed parademons) and Stepphenwolf have been hiding out in a random Eastern European city that just so happens to be off the map. Turning it into a CG spectacle city of ruination.
The Justice League sans Sups who’s off in a field hanging with Lois), do their best to work together and team up. In spite of a middling battle, they seem unable to slay the animated abomination.
Henry Cavill taking his sweet sweet time away from fighting evil as Superman – Warner Bros.
If only a hero with near limitless powers would join the fight. Oh wait I think we’ve got one of those. Yes indeed after ALL of the film spending the time building up a team of extraordinary people, it’s Superman who has to save the day. In a matter of minutes (and here I thought The Flash was the one who was supposed to be operating at super speeds) Stepphenwolf is vanquished, the villager are saved, and magical flowers appear. That is not a joke. In terms of satisfying showdowns I’d rate this a snoozefest.
All of the characters get a little bit of a happily ever after epilogue. The biggest head scratcher of which is: how is Superman going to explain Clark Kent’s miraculous return from the dead? Maybe they can un-CG his mustache and pretend he’s his long lost twin, Blark Kent?
We also get a peek at the run down mansion that will eventually become the Hall of Justice.
There are also two after credits scenes, one of which introduces Joe Manganiello as Deathstroke. I don’t think you have to sit through the entire mess that is Justice League to appreciate that scene. If they’d just released it online as a tease I’m sure it would have gotten a similarly warm reception.
There are also two after credits scenes, one of which introduces Joe Manganiello as Deathstroke. I don’t think you have to sit through the entire mess that is Justice League to appreciate that scene. If they’d just released it online as a tease I’m sure it would have gotten a similarly warm reception.
The second is a humorous repartee between The Flash and Superman who decide to see who is faster. This scene actually made me more disappointed in the film as a whole, because it was funny, and showed what the film could have been.
Jason Momoa as Aquaman, Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman, Ray Fisher as Cyborg – Warner Bros.
So DC, it’s time to do several things.
First off, stop manhandling Wonder Woman. She deserves more respect than both the filmmakers in this film treated her with. She doesn’t need to be objectified. Anyone with a pulse and eyeballs can gather that Gal Gadot is sexy. Her hemline doesn’t need to rise at the same time her neckline plunges. She deserves a more worthy flirting partner than a Batman who just is fulfilling his contractual obligations to be in the film. She DEFINITELY deserves more than a beyond out of place scene with her giving Batman a back massage. That scene in fact highlights the fact that she’s beyond human, she can take a Superman hit without bruising, so if you are going to pair her with someone, make it an equal. You hit a homerun with Wonder Woman, don’t undo that goodwill.
First off, stop manhandling Wonder Woman. She deserves more respect than both the filmmakers in this film treated her with. She doesn’t need to be objectified. Anyone with a pulse and eyeballs can gather that Gal Gadot is sexy. Her hemline doesn’t need to rise at the same time her neckline plunges. She deserves a more worthy flirting partner than a Batman who just is fulfilling his contractual obligations to be in the film. She DEFINITELY deserves more than a beyond out of place scene with her giving Batman a back massage. That scene in fact highlights the fact that she’s beyond human, she can take a Superman hit without bruising, so if you are going to pair her with someone, make it an equal. You hit a homerun with Wonder Woman, don’t undo that goodwill.
Retire Batman. Superman himself hit the nail on the head in the film, the world doesn’t need Batman anymore. Sure you can keep him around as a background player, as the Justice League wouldn’t be complete without one of it’s most famous founding members. But the highlights of this film were the new generation, and it’s time to give way to them. Batman shines as a tactical genius, this film treated him as a mindless bruising machine. Yet one who gets too easily bruised.
Look at how much more fun we could be having without Batman! Ray Fisher as Cyborg and Jason Momoa as Aquaman seeming to actually enjoy a scene – Warner Bros.
While we’re at it… retire Zack Snyder. What happened to him during filming was a terrible tragedy, but this film was clearly so far lost before Joss Whedon stepped in. Yes it exacerbated the choppiness of the film to have two directors at the helm. However Snyder is responsible for some of the biggest DC flops. DC has had so many directors come and go from projects recently, but they’ve yet to examine the constant issue among their films – Snyder.